Anyone who’s read John Gray’s Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus knows that most of the time, when a woman shares her problems with her man, she doesn’t want his advice. She just wants to vent and have him listen. Conversely, when a man hears his woman’s problems, he instinctively want to help fix them, usually by offering her advice on what to do. I can say from personal experience that this is true. Usually, when this difference in gender communication habits is discussed, the author’s advice is for men to learn to shut up and just listen to women vent. I say this is bullshit.
Apparently the online dating experience has left many women with a bad taste in their mouths. At least, that’s what I gather from the surprising number of women who sound downright angry in their online dating profiles. While I can understand women wanting to find a man who isn’t a lying, cheating, lazy creep who’s only looking for a one night stand, angrily proclaiming this desire in your online dating profile seems counter-productive. Guys who are creeps will ignore your warnings, while nice guys are likely to be scared off by your hostility. From a good guy’s point of view, allow me to suggest that there are more subtle and positive ways to get your point across, ladies, without alienating the good guys.
A recent poll of more than 1800 women ages 18 to 40 by Glamour magazine suggests something that most women probably already know — women instinctively judge each other pretty harshly when it comes to their weight. The study asked the female participants to imagine a woman they had never met and who was described solely as “overweight” or “thin”. Then, they gave the women a choice of two words, such as ambitious or lazy — plus the option to choose “neither” — to describe that imaginary woman. Significantly, the results of the study demonstrated negative views of both overweight and thin women, with each type receiving its own common criticisms.
If you are a woman with children braving the online dating world, you should obviously disclose the existence of your kids in your online dating profile — most sites have this question as a simple “yes/no” in the standard profile. Beyond that, what else should you say? From a guy’s point of view, I’d advise saying as little as possible. Include only the type of information which would affect your dating availability. Leave out the stuff you’d use to impress your lady friends. Remember that your dating profile is not your Facebook page. It’s not a diary or a family photo album. It’s your brief opportunity to make a first impression with a man for the purpose of starting a romantic relationship. There’s nothing romantic about your parenthood status (at least not to men).