Apparently the online dating experience has left many women with a bad taste in their mouths. At least, that’s what I gather from the surprising number of women who sound downright angry in their online dating profiles. While I can understand women wanting to find a man who isn’t a lying, cheating, lazy creep who’s only looking for a one night stand, angrily proclaiming this desire in your online dating profile seems counter-productive. Guys who are creeps will ignore your warnings, while nice guys are likely to be scared off by your hostility. From a good guy’s point of view, allow me to suggest that there are more subtle and positive ways to get your point across, ladies, without alienating the good guys.
Online Dating — Is it Really that Bad Out There, Ladies?
From just a casual review of women’s online dating profiles, one would think that most men on dating sites are unemployed liars looking only for one night of sex. So many of your profile headlines are the dating equivalent of “Keep of the Grass!!” signs: “No CHEATERS or LIARS!!”, “Looking for a REAL MAN!”, “Finding a good man is like nailing jello to a tree” (actual quote). It doesn’t get much friendlier once you delve into the body of many women’s profiles. Too many of you express yourselves in terms of what you don’t want, and not what you do want.
Look, I’m sure that there are plenty of bad guys out there who just want to use you for sex and throw you away. But they are not the majority (just as women looking for a walking wallet are out there, but are a minority). Stop crafting your profiles to ward off the bad guys, as you are more likely to scare away the good ones.
What Your Angry Online Dating Profile Says About You
When I see a woman’s profile filled with warnings and littered with a list of “do not wants”, I get a distinct impression about her: she is damaged goods, apparently so hurt by other men that she’s not really open to having a healthy and trusting relationship. Using caps lock and exclamation points to emphasize your “deal breakers” just drives this point home. If you met a possible date for the first time, would you shout at him that you are looking for a REAL MAN and that you CAN’T STAND CHEATS AND LIARS? If not, why would you do that in your online dating profile? Remember, this is the chance to make your first impression. Do you want that impression to be that you are an angry, damaged psycho?
It literally sends shivers down my spine to read some of your angry profiles. It feels like I’m being berated for something I haven’t done. I think it’s safe to assume that men know you don’t want to be lied to or cheated on. By saying this in a hostile way in your profile, you aren’t accomplishing anything. The bad guys will simply ignore it, or worse, see you as vulnerable because you’ve probably been duped before (otherwise, why are you so angry?). The good guys will be put off because you seem like an angry person who may punish them for the sins of others. Your anger is not attractive to good guys.
Stop Sabotaging Yourself in Your Dating Profile
For some of you, I wonder if the open hostility you express isn’t secretly an attempt to build an excuse for why men don’t want to date you. If you spew venom in your profile, you can always rationalize to yourself that you aren’t being approached because all men are scum and you scared them off with your warnings. If you have a positive profile and receive little interest, you’ll have to look at more personal and hurtful reasons for why men aren’t pursuing you (but you value honesty, right?).
If this theory hits home, you really have to ask yourself why you bother having an online dating profile at all. It may feel better to think that you’re “trying”, but if you put forth a negative profile, you really aren’t. Online dating puts your ego at risk. That’s the nature of the beast. You have to be willing to risk rejection and disappointment if you want to have any hope of success. Put your best foot forward and hope for something good. If you project anger and failure, you’re only sabotaging yourself.
Turn Your Dating Profile Negatives into Positives
Instead of telling men in no uncertain terms what you don’t want, try telling them in positive terms what you do want. Lay off the caps lock and exclamation points. If you are a loyal and honest person seeking the same, say that. Don’t say “NO CHEATERS OR LIARS”. Instead of saying “Don’t bother contacting me if you just want sex”, say that while you enjoy sex, you don’t treat it casually and think that it’s better when it’s with someone with whom you have a committed relationship. Honestly, all men involved in online dating are looking for sex. Not all of us are just looking for a one night stand, or just a sexual relationship. Too much “no sex” talk in your profile can make even the good guys think that you’re never going to put out (and we know that’s not true, right?). Speaking negatively about sex will alienate all men, not just the bad guys.
While it may not seem this way to most women, personality does go a long way with men. As strange as it may sound, a woman’s personality can actually make her more physically attractive to men. I’ve experienced this phenomenon myself, growing more attracted to a woman because she has a great personality. I’m not just talking about a woman who acts sexy and confident (although this can be nice, too). I mean that if you are nice and pleasant and positive, a man will find you more physically attractive over time. Of course, to allow this process to take place you need to get your foot in the door. That won’t happen if the guy is turned off by your angry online dating profile and never contacts you in the first place.
Even if you are angry due to your online dating experiences, don’t let it poison your dating profile. Expressing your needs positively and with a smile will get you much better results than sounding bitter and defeated.